A taste that makes history

When Forefather Čech climbed Mount Říp, surveyed the land below and declared: "This is the promised land, flowing with bacon and cheese." Historians later pointed out that the original quote was somewhat different. But historians never tasted the burger.

Bivoj overpowered a wild boar and carried it to Vyšehrad. "Alive?" asked Princess Kazi. "For now," replied Bivoj, and asked the cook for some bacon. Historians usually skip this part of the legend — it casts a little too much light on how the Bacon Burger was born.

Jan Hus believed the truth must prevail. He defended his plum BBQ sauce with the same stubbornness, even as the Council of Constance insisted on ketchup. The dispute escalated, and the cook was ordered to smoke the burger properly. Hus sighed one last time: "This isn't quite what I meant."

Rudolf II summoned his finest alchemists to turn an ordinary burger into gold. They added honey, JD sauce, blue cheese, and a few ingredients that still glow in the dark. Gold never came of it, but the emperor ate the evidence and declared the research a success.

Charles IV founded a university, built a bridge, and expanded Prague. The Royal Chilli Burger was his last great project. The construction held up perfectly — the emperor's composure didn't, after the first bite. Karlovy Vary spa is said to have been founded the very next day.

Žižka had a wagon fortress built to protect the last hot dog from the crusaders. The battle raged all afternoon and was decided by a double helping of fried onions. Žižka, once again, did not lose. The hot dog, unfortunately, did.

When the messengers came looking for Přemysl, they found him harvesting freshly fried potatoes. They pointed out that potatoes wouldn't reach Europe for several more centuries. Přemysl salted them and replied: "And that's exactly why I'll be duke, and not you."

Wenceslas IV trusted neither his advisors, nor his messengers, nor his own court. He insisted that nothing stand between him and his beer. The courtiers objected that it simply wasn't done — then poured themselves one too. The only royal reform that ever stuck, completely.

Grandmother set warm brownie, vanilla ice cream, and beer caramel on the table. Barunka pointed out that none of this was in the original manuscript. "Then rewrite it," said Grandmother gently, and ate the last page.

Back in the emperor's day, men marched off to war — but the Good Soldier Švejk would rather have stopped for one honest soft-serve. Because even a journey through history is a little more cheerful with ice cream melting in your hand.

Princess Libuše foretold the great glory of Prague — and also the moment when a creamy shake, whipped cream and caramel would unite into a single sweet prophecy. Some visions, it turns out, are best fulfilled with a straw in hand.